I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
