i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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