SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
