that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
