True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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