Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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