A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
