Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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