My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
