I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
