i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
