its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
