Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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