I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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