She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
