i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
