she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
