So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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