If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
