3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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