Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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