She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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