I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
