When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
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