His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
