there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
