My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
it was like eating out sand paper
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
