she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
