here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
