your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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