I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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