last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
