I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I will pee on everything he values.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
