Can i not drive my cunt home
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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