fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
