oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
