Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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