Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
