i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
