I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
