when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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