Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
