so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
