I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
