i will never coherently bang her
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize