everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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