If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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