Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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