he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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