I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
