I've blown a few things in my day
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
