hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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