So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
