No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
