Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
