theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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