So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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