So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize