Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
