it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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