I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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