I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
