my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
