im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
