is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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