Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
