He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize