i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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