never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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