At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
